Teenagers...Whatever

Parenting...probably the scariest subject we have talked about in class so far. I have wonderful parents. They are seriously the best. But, looking back at my behavior growing up, I was a trouble child. I made mistakes and caused my parents grief, so I know that even if you're the best parent in the world, your children are going to test you, especially during the teenage years. I have found so much useful information in lecture and the readings today to help me feel more confident in being able to become a parent, and I'd like to share some significant things I've learned.

First is the idea of respect. I  watched the first four video in Popkin's course on how to be an active parent, and found a lot of raising teenagers is based on respect. You really have to love and respect your teenagers enough to treat them in a way that will positively affect their behavior. This doesn't mean being controlling or a dictator and it ESPECIALLY doesn't mean coddling, enabling, or being permissive. Respecting teenagers gives them the chance to be treated like an adult by providing them with choices, but not allowing them to escape the consequences of those choices. "Responsibility = Choice + Consequences"

It's all about encouraging good behavior. "Encourage" comes from the French word “cour” meaning “heart.” Encouragement not only needs to come from our hearts, but it needs to be directed at the hearts of our teenagers. When I look at all the bad decisions I’ve made while I was a teenager (heck, I still am a teenager…), my motivation for correcting my behavior might have been spurred by my parents, but it really came from a sense of self-worth and how I wanted to become the best me.

That being said, a lot of effective parenting comes from building their children’s self-worth and having them seem their highest, true potential. A study done by Morris Rosenburg (1965) found that children whose parents were involved and interested in their adolescents’ lives had more self-esteem and felt valued by their parents. They were less likely to have behavioral problems because they didn’t want to disappoint those who loved and cared about them and because they knew they were worth more than the poor decisions.

Parenting is rough. But we can do it.  In the Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi 3:7 says that the Lord would never ask us to do something we couldn’t do. He will provide a way, but we have to be like Nephi, have courage, and learn to respect our children enough to be firm, but loving. Understanding and forgiving, but not enabling. Respectful and not detrimental.

Why Fathers are Important

This week we talked about finances in the family, but we also wrote a paper on the importance of fatherhood. Because there are so many General Conference talks on the subject, I have always known that fathers are important for the spiritual welfare of their children, but this chapter and writing assignment has really sparked my curiosity about how the secular world views the importance of fathers.

The first two points of this post come from Chapter 2 of the manual published by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services called The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children (Sounds like the perfect source for what I want to know, don't it?), and the last two come from Sister Elaine Dalton, former General Young Women President, as she gave her talk "Love Her Mother" (I'm really liking this link thing...can you tell?) in the October 2011 General Conference.

1. Having a father promotes cognitive ability. This is because their children have the advantage of learning both gender roles' forms of communication and are better equipped to handle the stresses that come with school and learning

2. Children with fathers are more confident and emotionally secure and have better social connections because the father is attentive. They explore more because they have learned from an early age that they can trust someone big and strong to be there when they need it.

3. Fathers push achievement and teach independence and self-control. This is actually done mostly through how fathers typically play with children. Unlike mothers, who have to watch over all the kids at once, fathers are more prone to one-on-one, stimulating forms of play that teach children how to handle physical stresses and to be independent

4. Fathers are an example to both sons and daughters of what men should (or should not) be. Sons will have someone to model themselves after. Daughters will have someone to compare men to when looking for a good spouse. My being the example of what a man should be, fathers teach their children how to be better.

5. Fathers are the priesthood leaders and the guardians of virtue in their homes.

I think we can conclude from this that fathers are needed not just for spiritual reasons, but for secular as well. Children need fathers, guys. I'm seen it first hand and now I have the studies and spiritual leaders to prove it.