This movie is a beautiful reminder of what our relationship with our Heavenly Father should be like.

Tricky Subjects...

This week focused on some sensitive subjects in family relations. Namely, we talked about gender roles, sexism, and same-sex attraction. The most significant learning experience I had this week was reading Chapter 8 in Understanding Same-Sex Attraction by Daryl Bem.

My belief about Same-Sex Attraction had always been that while there are chemical imbalances and brain differences, being gay is a choice. I believed that we are all given our own trials and weaknesses, so we could learn to put our faith in God. In Ether 12:27 we read,

"I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

However, in the reading, what really stood out to me were the environmental factors. For example, when we treat naturally-born sensitive and creative little boys like there's something wrong with them because they don't like wrestling and playing soccer, they start to feel like there must be something different about them. They might even be called gay by their peers who don't even really know what that means. Also, if a child is sexually abused, or looks at same-sex pornography, and they find that arouses them, they start to think that must be the way they are--they're attracted to the same sex. This, of course, isn't true. There is such things as nonspecific autonomic arousal. 

This just emphasizes to me that as the world changes, I will have to teach my kids about homosexuality earlier than I would like to. Of course sensitivity and care and a lot of editing will take place in these conversations, realizing that many self-proclaimed homosexuals are that way because they just don't understand themselves leads me to conclude that getting rid of confusion is the first step to prevent homosexuality.

CES Devotional

This is a fantastic devotional by Elder Oaks regarding Tolerance and Truth. I believe that we have a right to declare some forms of family better--more effective and right--than others. This doesn't mean we can't tolerate others' beliefs, but it doesn't mean that we can condone them, either.

Systems

This week we focused on different theories when it comes to families, especially the Family Systems Theory. This theory emphasizes that families are made of parts that are NOT independent; what happens to one member affects the others. Often, subsystems arise within the system of a family. For example, parents are (or at least should be) a subsystem because they interact in unique ways as opposed to interacting with their children.

Here are some more characteristics of Family Systems Theory:

1: Problems aren't located in individuals themselves, but rather in the communication between them. So if we drew it all out and we had circles representing family members and lines connecting them representing their communication, the break wouldn't be in the circles, it would be in the lines.

2.Circular causality. Sometimes there isn't one "cause" to a problem, but the multiple causes affect each other in a circular pattern. For example, Becky feels like her mom is always on her case, so she doesn't like being around Mom. Mom feels like she wouldn't need to be after Becky quite so much if she would just talk to her. Is Becky's withdrawn attitude the problem or is it the micromanaging mom? They both are--they work together in a circle patter, affecting each other.

3. Rules are a result of redundant action. We learn the unspoken "rules" of our family through repetition  If your mom constantly gets mad when you badger her, you learn constantly reminding mom is not a good idea.

4. Feedback loops guide behavior. There's positive feedback, which just means it's feedback that encourages the same behavior, regardless of whether or not the behavior itself is positive (Laughing when a son kicks the dog instead of correcting him is positive feedback.) Negative feedback is just corrective feedback, again regardless whether or not the behavior itself is negative. (Parents pressuring their recently converted child to stop going to church is negative feedback)

5.Conflicting messages contributes to relationship problems. Sending conflicting messages is called double binding, and can actually lead to schizophrenia as people don't know which message to follow.

6. In family systems, all members have their roles. There's the peacemaker, the motivator, the hero, the clown, the problem child, etc... Roles can change when children move out, but they often find themselves drifting back into their old roles when they return home.

7.Going along with subsystems, there are different kinds of boundaries defining relationships with other people. Diffuse boundaries are like fence posts with not fence between--a little too open. Rigid boundaries are like cinder block walls keeping anything and everything out. Healthy, clear boundaries are like cute picket fences: friendly, open, but a definite and clear boundary. Another observation: Picket fences aren't made to be straddled. Think about that one.

Family systems, all summed up, is about synergy. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. The system and relationships in a family contribute things that would otherwise not be able to be created.

2 Quotes and Some Thoughts

Today we looked at two quotes from presidents of the Church and were asked to offer our thoughts. I thought I'd share with you the quotes as well as what I wrote.

.:The Quotes:.

“There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty?—To prepare tabernacles for them; to take a course that will not tend to drive those spirits into the families of the wicked, where they will be trained in wickedness, debauchery, and every species of crime. It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles for all the spirits they can.”

 - President Brigham Young

"You did not come on earth just to “eat, drink and be merry.” You came knowing full well your responsibilities. You came to get for yourself a mortal body that could become perfected, immortalized, and you understood that you were to act in partnership with God in providing bodies for other spirits equally anxious to come to the earth for righteous purposes. And so you will not postpone parenthood. There will be rationalists who will name to you numerous reasons for postponement. Of course, it will be harder to get your college degrees or your financial start with a family, but strength like yours will be undaunted in the face of difficult obstacles. 

“Have your family as the Lord intended. Of course it is expensive, but you will find a way, and besides, it is often those children who grow up with responsibility and hardships who carry on the world’s work. And, John and Mary, do not limit your family as the world does. I am wondering now where I might have been had my parents decided arbitrarily that one or two children would be enough, or that three or four would be all they could support, or that even five would be the limit; for I was the sixth of eleven children. Don’t think you will love the later ones less or have few material things for them. Perhaps like Jacob, you might love the eleventh one most. Young people, have your family, love them, sacrifice for them, teach them righteousness, and you will be blessed and happy all the days of your eternal lives.“

 - President Spencer W. Kimball (in an open letter to all young couples, found here in the Ensign, June 1975)

.:My Thoughts:.

One of the purposes of Latter-day Saints is to bring souls to Christ. We do this through missionary work, strengthening members around us, but we can also do this by bringing children into our families. If not to our families, where might those souls be sent? Would they have the same knowledge and opportunities? Would they be able to reach their true potential? Like Brigham Young said, we have a duty to provide a place where spirit sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father can enjoy the blessings of growing in and learning from a righteous family.

Also, Spencer W. Kimball mentioned that “Of course [raising children] is expensive, but you will find a way…” I believe that when we walk by faith and follow the Lord’s commandments, he opens doors for us that we never even knew existed. We learn from Nephi that the Lord doesn’t give commandments unless He makes a way for us to follow them. Sometimes decisions are difficult—my dad had to go back to school in order to provide for his growing family—but when something as important as eternal families is on the line, those decisions have to be made.

One more thing I forgot to mention...

Today in class we asked the question "Does the mother working cause her to have fewer children or does having fewer children cause the mother to work?" (...or something along those lines) and I thought this question had some application to my whole "6 of 9" deal.
At first I was thinking, "Well, a mother wouldn't need to go to work if she had fewer children to provide for..." but then I double guessed myself.
Because, you see, my mom had 9 kids, and never worked. My best friend's mom had 10 kids and she never worked. And thinking on both of these amazing, strong women, I realized that perhaps the number of children could, indeed, influence the decision to work. A woman with less children would be done raising them sooner, for sure, and could then go to work as a source of fulfillment once they had all moved out while a woman with more kids would spend more of their life caring for children (like, my mom's in her mid-50s and still has a 10-year-old in the house). But also, I think that women who have lots of children do so because they are dedicated to them. They see bringing children into this world as their first priority. Because of that, they are less likely to go to work and more likely to spend more time raising their many children.
Not saying that if you are a working mother means that you don't love your children, or that the number of children you have is correlated to the amount of love you feel for them, just that the number of children one has CAN influence the decision to go to work.
Just another thought I had.
:)

Alright, now for the interesting stuff...

Over the weekend, I had the chance to study a long list of social changes happening in the modern world that have some significant implications for the family. They are as follows:
1) Premarital Sex ^
2) Births out of Wedlock ^
3) Living Alone ^
4) Cohabitation ^
5) Delayed Marriage
6) Birth Rate Falling
7) Household Size Falling
8) Employed Mothers ^
9) Divorce ^
("^" means that the rates are going up)

Now, while some might not seem very significant or detrimental to family life (like, more people are living alone, so what? Or waiting to get married--is that such a big deal?), follow my lead and take another look. Upon inspection, all these trends are so closely related and interconnected that they all affect each other. For example, take the fact that people are waiting longer to get married. Why could that be seen as a problem?
Well, women that wait till 26/27/28 to get married (because, say, they are too dedicated to their career) might find that their biological window for having kids is a lot smaller now and, therefore, won't be able to have as many kids. This contributes to the falling birth rate and household sizes, as well as to more lonely, unsatisfied people.
Also, WHY are people delaying marriage? Several of these patterns apply to this question as well. Because premarital sex and cohabitation are common practices now-a-days, people can get some of the benefits and pleasures from being married without having to make that commitment.
And that was just one example. See if you can find more connections between these social changes and how they can effect the future of families of the United States.
Till Next Time!