Parenting...probably the scariest subject we have talked about in
class so far. I have wonderful parents. They are seriously the best. But,
looking back at my behavior growing up, I was a trouble child. I made mistakes
and caused my parents grief, so I know that even if you're the best parent in
the world, your children are going to test you, especially during the teenage
years. I have found so much useful information in lecture and the readings
today to help me feel more confident in being able to become a parent, and I'd
like to share some significant things I've learned.
First is the idea of respect. I
watched the first four video in Popkin's course on how to be an active
parent, and found a lot of raising teenagers is based on respect. You really
have to love and respect your teenagers enough to treat them in a way that will
positively affect their behavior. This doesn't mean being controlling or a
dictator and it ESPECIALLY doesn't mean coddling, enabling, or being
permissive. Respecting teenagers gives them the chance to be treated like an
adult by providing them with choices, but not allowing them to escape the
consequences of those choices. "Responsibility = Choice +
Consequences"
It's all about encouraging good behavior.
"Encourage" comes from the French word “cour” meaning “heart.” Encouragement not only needs to come from
our hearts, but it needs to be directed at the hearts of our teenagers. When I
look at all the bad decisions I’ve made while I was a teenager (heck, I still am a teenager…), my motivation for
correcting my behavior might have been spurred by my parents, but it really
came from a sense of self-worth and how I
wanted to become the best me.
That being said, a lot of effective parenting comes from building their
children’s self-worth and having them seem their highest, true potential. A
study done by Morris Rosenburg (1965) found that children whose parents were
involved and interested in their adolescents’ lives had more self-esteem and
felt valued by their parents. They were less likely to have behavioral problems
because they didn’t want to disappoint those who loved and cared about them and
because they knew they were worth more than the poor decisions.
Parenting is rough. But we can do it. In the Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi 3:7 says that
the Lord would never ask us to do something we couldn’t do. He will provide a
way, but we have to be like Nephi, have courage, and learn to respect our
children enough to be firm, but loving. Understanding and forgiving, but not
enabling. Respectful and not detrimental.